Talk Dirty
by Bitchii-Usa
Summary: An AU where Bulma is a talk show show host, giving sex advice. When a staff member is unable to review certain products for an upcoming episode, Bulma is asked to step in by her very handsome producer. Just how far is she willing to go? Written for The Prince and The Heiress February 2017 Vegebul Smutfest. Mature themes, kiddos


_**Smutfest Day #1: Toys**_

 _ **oooOooo**_

"And I've asked him several times to do it, but each time he gives me a different excuse. The last time he said that he had just eaten tacos and it would be weird!"

"Really?" Bulma Briefs sat back in her plush purple loveseat, tossing one of her shapely legs over the other as she narrowed her eyes. Placing a well manicured nail under her chin as she rested her elbow on the armrest, she continued, "so just how old is this man child you're dating?"

The audience chuckled at her slick reply, and then growing silent as the brown haired, mousey young woman cleared her throat, smiling shyly. "He's 28."

Bulma scoffed, shaking her head. "Well that's absurd. Oh would you look at me, being rude. I'm sorry, would you continue on, dearie?"

The woman nodded, fidgeting with the microphone. "Well,it's just that all of my girlfriends keep talking about how _amazing_ oral is, and I just want to know what it feels like."

Bulma's eyes widened as she looked at the woman in awe. "Wait, are you telling me you've _never_ experienced oral sex before?"

The woman nodded, her cheeks turning into cherries. "We've been together since we were 16. We lost our virginities to each other."

The audience 'awwwed' her confession, prompting the woman to smile sweetly. "And he's _great,_ don't get me wrong, but he never wants to try anything new. So how do I coax him into…you know…going _down_ on me?" She sashayed her hips suggestively, making the audience whoop and holler in theatrics. Bulma laughed, gesturing the audience to quiet down with her hands.

"Well, honey, if there's one rule I have in the Bulma Briefs world of sex, it's this: if he's not making me _come_ , then he's gotta _go_."

The audience cheered her on, and she smirked at her own cleverness. The woman chuckled into the microphone, before her facial expression turned sad. "I don't want to break up with him. I just want him to wow me in the bedroom, you know what I'm saying?"

"Tell me, where is man-friend-dearest?"

The woman's mouth opened as she fumbled over her words, at a loss. She resorted to shrugging and the audience moaned in warning. Bulma clicked her teeth.

"Does he know you're joining us today? "

"No. I don't recall telling him."

"And what's the possibility that he's getting _off_ somewhere else right now?"

A few audience members whispered among themselves, a few suggesting the girl 'leave that man alone!'. She looked down at the feet before glancing up at Bulma. "Honestly, " she said softly, as if they were two teenage friends sharing secrets over popcorn and nail polish, "I wouldn't be surprised if he was. He's never around anymore, emotionally or physically. "

Bulma shook her head as the audience pitied her with their words. "Poor thing," Bulma gave her a reassuring smile, "I think it's time for you to get yours, do you know what _I'm_ saying? "

The audience agreed with her as they clapped, and the mousey woman laughed again. "But how? Who would want me? I'm not a sex goddess like you, Bulma."

Bulma tilted her head and smiled warmly, tossing her hands in her lap as if she was speaking with one of her oldest friends. "Are you kidding me? You are a brick _house._ Look at those curves, and those breasts and…turn around for me?" She did and an Bulma threw her head back. "And that _ass!_ It's the .com! Girl, you better believe in yourself! Am I right, men in the audience? Doesn't she just _make_ your cocks hard?"

The men in the room yelped and yodled, the woman blushing and tucking a chocolate curl behind her ear.

"See what I'm saying? I sure you'll have no problem finding someone to give you some oral tonight, sweetheart. Any single men in the room want to try to woo the pants off of this beauty?" The response was immediate, and one of the men sitting close to the woman grabbed her hand and kissed it, flexing off his muscled arms and toned chest. She giggled and he brought her down to his lap, kissing her on the cheek.

" _Well,_ " Bulma breathed, "I hope I get a good gift for Christmas this year. Because that was _magical_." The camera man signaled that the end of the show was approaching, putting up Bulma's cue cards to wrap things off. She waved him off with a wiggle of her eye brow. She had been doing this a long time, and cue cards were for amateurs. "Well my spicy men and women, it looks like that's all the time we have for today. Next week we'll be having our on air correspondent, Lemoli, discussing her weekend of fun in trying out the new sex toy line from Purrrfect Pleasures. _Meow_ , amirite? I'm sure that'll be a delicious time, so I hope you'll all join me for another rendezvous. I'm Dr. Bulma Briefs, and this has been another episode of Sex Talk with Bulma. And remember guys, get yours…?" She pointed at the audience.

"Because Bulma Briefs sure the hell will!" They shouted in unison before breaking into dance as the outro song played over the intercom.

"And _cut!_ " The camera man called, finishing the film. Bulma took a sip of water and stood up, rounding the stage to the back room. Today had been a long session of taping, and she saw chamomile tea and a soothing neck pillow in her immediate future.

"Great job today, Bulma!"

"I'm sure you've made that lady have a _great_ night!"

"The producer says that we had the biggest ratings this episode! He projects next week will have an even bigger audience. People love sex toys!"

The behind the scenes crew spoke their words of approval to Bulma as she walked down the long gray hallway, and she gave them all a bit of small talk with a side of smile. God, she loved this job, and she loved even more that she could be herself, free of any shame that came with being a modern day business woman who loved the boardroom as well as the bedroom. Too bad that her current state of the bedroom involved herself, her hand, and a distinctive playlist on her favorite porn website. The world may have been ready for someone like her, but it didn't seem like the _dating_ world was.

She entered her dressing room, the cool air and smell if roses wrapping her into a cocoon of bliss. She sighed, plopping down on the sofa and removing her cherry red heels. Perhaps a nap was in order first.

She had just closed her eyes when a knock at the door interrupted her peace. She pinched the bridge of her nose and groaned. "Come in," She said nasally.

The producer of _Sex Talk with Bulma_ entered, carrying a box wrapped with a pink ribbon. He scowled and mumbled as he sat the heavy thing on a nearby counter, shaking his head.

"Uh, oh, I know _that_ look," Bulma stood up, crossing her arms under the fabric of her black curve hugging mini dress, "What's wrong, Vegeta?"

He looked at her from the side of his eye and scoffed. "You see this shit? " He pointed at the box.

She nodded. "What about it? Finally got off your high horse a d bought me a gift?"

"Don't be ridiculous. _This_ is the box of sex toys from Purrrfect Pleasures that our dear Lemoli was _supposed_ to try out this weekend."

Bulma's face dropped, as well as her arms at her sides. "What do you mean _supposed_ to?"

"I mean she's taken the week off. Strep throat, can you believe that shit? It's hot as balls outside, and she has strep throat and a fever!"

"Geeze that terrible," Bulma looked to the side, "but why are you bringing them to me?"

Vegeta looked at her, pleading with his rugged features.

Bulma brought her gaze to his at the impending silence, catching on to what he was trying to say. "Oh absolutely not Vegeta! I'm taking the weekend off and going to a resort with my parents. I can't be… _fapping_ while they're in the same suite as me!"

"You're killing me, Briefs!" Vegeta ran a thick hand down his face. "All of the other interns won't make good camera time! I need someone to get on camera and give an _honest_ review, not sit on the couch and blush and," he batted his eyelashes mockingly and raised his voice pitch higher, more feminine, "chuckle like a fucking teenager who's just discovered their genitalia."

Bulma laughed mildly, blowing breath from her lips. "I don't know what to tell you Vegeta, but I don't have the time."

"You realize the show is Monday, right? And it's the Valentines Day Special. We _need_ this segment, Bulma. People don't care about sex advice anymore so we have to keep them tuned in. And having a sexy woman gush as she talks about how hard she came from a vibrator sounds like ratings gold!"

Bulma smiled at him coyly, playing with her short blue hair. "Are you calling me sexy, Vegeta?"

"Is that all you took from that? Jesus, woman." Vegeta turned to the side, hiding his blush that creeped across his cheeks. _Of course_ he thought she was sexy, any idiot with half a brain noticed the powerhouse that was Bulma's body and stunning face. But Vegeta refused to be one of the men who fawned over her, talking about her in the privacy of sport bars after work, trying to hide the erecting in their pants as they talked about how she had accidentally brushed her breasts against them or something. No, he had too much pride to be one of _those_ men.

"Bulma," he said with an exasperated sigh, "do me this one solid, please?"

She burned her blue eyes into the side of his neck, "I told you I don't have the time!"

"Well what the hell are you doing right now?" He looked around her dressing room, empty and colorless. "I know you weren't about to do anything of importance, so get yourself off for the next hour and report back to me!"

"Excuse me?" She put her hands on her hips, her posture full of sass, and narrowed her eyes. "First of all, I _was_ doing something important, thank you very much, and second of all, I'm not even horny!"

"Oh please," he rolled his eyes, "You run a sex talk show. You should be running off of bring horny."

"Okay so, even if that _were_ true, it doesn't work like that! You don't just press a button and presto! Bulma's ready to fuck! I'm still a person, you know, sex extraordinaire or not."

"Well go watch a porn or something! "

"Do you even _know_ how this works? Jesus, no wonder you're always so uptight, you probably haven't had a good nut in so long, you've forgotten how to start the entire process!"

Vegeta's eyes darkened as he glared at her, his lips pressing into a tight line. He took a deep breath, exhaling his irritation with his chest, and closed his eyes slowly. "Will you do it?"

Bulma ran her tongue over her top row of teeth. God, Vegeta was such a prick. No wonder why he was probably not getting any action; any woman would probably run for the hills at his lack of comprehension of the female anatomy. The things she could teach him if-

A light bulb went off in her head, an idea striking her out of the blue. There wasn't many men that caught Bulma's eye these days, all of them looking so _boring,_ but Vegeta was an exception. His sharp jawline and impossibly handsome "bad boy" features screamed _fuck_ _me_ , and she would be lying if she said she hadn't thought about him a few times during her sessions in the shower. She was willing to bet the attraction was mutual. It was one of the reasons behind her theory why he engaged in their arguments, why he allowed her to talk to him with such ferocity. He was wrapped in the sexual tension as tightly as she was.

And she had caught him checking her out as she walked away numerous times. A devious smile played upon her pink pout as she looked at him, and she cocked a hip to the side.

"Fine, I'll do it. But under one condition."

He smiled a rare smile, the taste of victory coating his tongue. "Sure, whatever you want."

"Glad to hear you say that. I'll review these toys _if_ , and only if," She walked closer to him, methodically moving her hips," you get me horny before hand." She tugged the tie around his neck, wrapping it around her hand.

Vegeta face turned a bright shade of red as he studied her face. From the perch of her brow to the purse of her lips, it was clear that she was _serious._ He felt the room get too stuffy and he swallowed.

"That's not acceptable. "

"And why not?" she replied, her voice oozing with silk.

"Well," he searched for reasons in his head, finding his other brain starting to make decisions for him, "I'm your boss."

"Oh, I don't think so," She smirkef, waving her finger, "this is a _partnership_. You yourself agreed to that when I signed onto this deal."

"I'm not doing it, Bulma."

"What are you afraid of," she leaned in a little closer, her breath ghosting on his lips, "you don't have to touch me, unless you _want_ to. All you have to do is get me horny. Are you not up for the challenge? "

Vegeta swallowed. That's _all_ he had to do? Just say a few words, suggest a few things and get her in the mood? And go on his merry way?

"You need me, remember?" she's interrupted his thoughts, "what's a small sacrifice for your precious ratings? And if you do a good job, I'll give a good review and Purrrfect Pleasures will give us a fat," she ran her finger up the buttons on his dress shirt, up his thick neck, stopping right under his bottom lip, "check." She let the word roll off of her tongue, sweetened with honey, and she's watched his adam's apple bob upwards as he tried to catch his breath.

"Are you really going to say no?" she's pouted, batting her fluffy lashes at him.

Vegeta cursed under his breath and sighed. After a while, he said "Fine. But you'd better not tell anyone about this, " he pointed a thick finger at her.

She ran a finger across her lips, imitating a zipper being shut, and smiled, walking over to the door to lock it. She turned around and leaned against it, folding her arms and smirking at him.

"So what do I have to do?" he asked, crossing his arms.

She waved a finger at him. "Oh no, no, no," she clicked her teeth, "that wasn't a part of the deal. You gotta figure it out, buddy."

He grunted loudly. What the hell had he gotten himself into, exactly? He walked over to her slowly, running playthroughs in his head. So he was here now. With the woman that he wouldn't admit to fantasizing about. Maybe he should just pretend that this was a real occurance, that he was really about to fuck her.

Yeah, that's it.

His walk increased with confidence, his eyelids lowering slightly, and he placed a palm on the door behind her, trapping her against it. She looked at him shyly, as if she wasn't sure what to expect either.

That made him laugh.

"Why are you looking like that?" he asked in a velvety voice, smooth and deep and hypnotizing, running a finger up the curve of her neck, making her gasp lightly, "you look like a deer caught in headlights. Are you afraid, little deer?"

She shook her head no as his finger rounded her ear, playing with her earlobe. "I'm not scared when I suggested it."

"Hmph," he smirked, "good then. That would be no good." His thumb grazed across her cheek, his thumb fluttering over her bottom lip, and he was pleasantly surprised at how soft it was. He was enjoying tracing her skin with his fingers, relishing in the smooth milky feel that made him itch with desire, but he suppressed his ache. His fingers found the top of her dress , her ample cleavage enticing him over the top fabric.

"I thought you didn't want to touch me?" she breathed out.

"I never said that. Why, are you turned on yet?"

She shook her head no, lying. The truth was, her panties had gotten wet the moment his finger made contact with her skin, but she didn't want him to stop and leave her with a box of toys and memories of him on her, even if it was just a finger.

"Well then," he said relieved, "Maybe I should try a little harder."

He squeezed her breasts, his palm brushing her nipple, and she moaned involuntarily. He chuckled at her before grabbing her other one, and she arched her back into his palm.

"You okay?"

"Y-yeah," she cleared her throat, "I'm fine."

"Horny yet?"

She shook her head again, unable to let the lie spill from her lips. He raised an eyebrow in disbelief and ran his fingers down her smooth stomach, plating with the fabric of her dress. She gasped sharply when he raised the hemline, revealing her lacy beige thong.

"Nice underwear. "

"There was a sale."

"I see." He let his fingers leave butterfly touches over her panties, and he watched her face become painted with desire. This was easier than he thought.

And she hated it.

She wanted to give him a hard time, make _him_ beg for her to become aroused, and here she was practically melting under his teasing. She felt his finger run right over the fabric concealing her clitoris, and she moaned. He laughed and she cursed herself, and then she felt him push the fabric to the side, his finger running lightly in between her lips.

God damn him.

"You're wet," he whispered, removing his hand from her altogether, "and my job is done."

She blinked at him in disbelief, her mind clouded. That was _it_?

He stepped back from her and cleared his throat. "So I expect that you'll have a review for me in, what, an hour? From what I can feel, you'll run through that entire box soon."

Bulma was losing it. There was just no way that she was going to let this smug as hole have the upper hand in this. "Coward."

"What did you just say to me?"

"I said," she moved off of the door and walked to the box, untying the ribbon, "you're a coward. You can revv up the motor, but you're too chicken to drive the car? Or in this case," she brought a powder pink rabbit style dildo out, the base having the face of a winking cat and the vibrator resembling cat ears, "you don't even want to hear the engine purr?"

He swallwed, watching her perfect lips pout as she read the tag on the toy. "This one's called 'The Cat Scratcher', meant to tickle all the placed you can't reach." She smirked as she slowly looked up at him, letting her eyes catch his like he was her prey. "What do you say, Vegeta?" she asked with an enticing voice, "don't you want to get an up close and personal review?"

Before he could answer, she walked to the couch and sat down, spreading her legs so that he could see all of her glory. She turned the toy on after removing the tag, and pulled her dress down, exposing her lacy bra. She ran the toy over her nipples and sighed. "It's so soft," she breathed, "it's like a person is touching me."

Vegeta loosened the collar of his button up, feeling stuffy. "You don't say?"

"Mmhmm," she moved the toy down, the hum of the vibrator filling the room, "except it's not as good as the real thing." She locked eyes with him, smiling suggestively. She ran the vibrator over her panties, the sensations causing her to throw her head back and gasp. "Fuck that feels good. This is powerful. "

Vegeta tried to keep his composure, but watching her play with herself was _hard_. And so was he.

Bulma moaned as she rubbed her clit in small circles, and she brought her head back down to look at him again. "I'd buy this," she said before moaning again, feeling an electric shock surge through her body, "but I'm having a hard time keeping my hand steady. It's too much." She pouted at him, her lips circling at the building pressure. "Can you help me?"

Vegeta stared at her with wide eyes. Why was he still here? He had done what she had asked of him, so he could leave already. But watching her was like a goddammned art show, and he was too enticed to back away now. So he approached her, watching her face delight as he bent to his knees, grabbing the thing from her hands.

"You'd better give a _fantastic_ review," he said, and she nodded.

"Only the best."

He pushed more of her panties to the side and applied more pressure to her clitoris, and she mewled. Fuck, she was beautiful _everywhere._ Her lips resembled a flower, and he licked his lips as he watch her get wetter, making this far me difficult than he realized.

He looked up at her, locking eyes with her pleading oceans for eyes, and he turned the vibrator around to insert it inside of her. Slowly he entered, using her own juices as lubrication, and she sucked in a tight breath of air. He smiled, going back to watching his movements. It was like poetry in motion, the way she opened and tightened over the dildo, and he had to refrain himself from stroking his aching erection. He moved a little faster as she took it with ease, the vibrator fluttering over her swollen clitoris. She moaned deeper,her hips bucking up and begging for more. He complied, stroking her faster. Her hands gripped the dress that hugged her thighs, and he wanted so badly to grab them and interlock their fingers together as he made her cum hard.

"V-Vegeta," she squealed, raising her hips off the couch as the pressure of an orgasm began to claim her.

Vegeta had to keep his shock at bay, not expecting her to let his name slip off of her lips like that. She was a juicy piece of fruit, and all he wanted now was to take a bite.

She rocked her hips against the toy, her vagina swallowing it as it slapped against her, Vegeta's hand becoming slick with her juices. He groaned at the whole ordeal as she closed her eyes, resting her head on the back of the couch. Vegeta raised himself p so that he was face to face with her, lean his forehead against hers.

"What are you waiting for," he whispered against her lips, her eyes finding home in his, "aren't you going to cum?"

He made his hand move faster, the sounds of his hands colliding with her lips, and she groaned loudly, allowing his name to escape her mouth again. Her pretty little mouth. Fuck, did he want to put it to other uses.

"Ffffuuuucccckkk," she squealed, instinctively gripping the couch, "I'm gonna—" she was cut off as Vegeta quickened his pace even more, filling her up completely, her clitoris pulsating against the steady rhythm of the vibe. Vegeta studied her face as she orgasm, completely enamored by her stunning features. She panted and tensed below him, before he felt her relax like jelly, sinking into the couch. He removed the toy, shutting off the vibrator. He looked at, seeing how slick it was from her wetness, and stood up from her.

"Is there a way to clean this?"

"Toy cleaner in box," she said brokenly, catching her breath. She glanced at the ceiling, wondering what had happened exactly.

"I suggest you get dressed ad clean yourself up before you get out of here. I don't need rumors flying."

She nodded, pulling her dress down. "Well you have your review. Satisfied?"

He smirked, looking in the box. "The question is, are you?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" He walked back over to her, handing her the vibrator and the spray cleaner.

"There's still six others. So I suggest you don't fall asleep."

She clicked her teeth and pouted. " _Six_ more!? _Today?!"_

"I sure hope you have the stamina," he turned away from her, heading towards the door.

"Where are you going?" she asked, ashamed at how desperate she sounded.

He didn't turn around as he stopped, his hand resting on the door knob. "I have paperwork to do. Our deal has long expired." And with that, he opened the door and left, leaving Bulma feeling a little foolish.

The desire in between her legs was unapologetic, pleading with her to make him come back. She had a desire that needed to be met. And cat themed dildo weren't going to cut it.

She stood and cleaned her vibrator, a goal in her mind.

She needed to fuck Vegeta.

Bulma Briefs was going to get hers.

OooOooo

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **This piece was written for the February 2017 Smutfest, hosted by The Prince and The Heiress Community.**_


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